The Mask That Costs Us Our Humanity
Introduction
Perfectionism is often mistaken for excellence. In healthcare, it’s praised as dedication, precision, and reliability. But perfectionism is not the same as excellence. It is a mask we wear to hide fear — fear of not being enough, fear of failing, fear of being exposed. Over time, that mask can cost us our resilience, our creativity, and even our humanity.
My roots in perfectionism run deep. As a child, whenever I expressed feelings, my mother called me Sarah Bernhardt, mocking me for being dramatic. Sensitivity and creativity weren’t valued; they were dismissed as indulgent. What mattered was being useful, orderly, efficient.
So, I buried the part of me that loved beauty and expression and showed the world the version of myself that worked hard, took care of others, and never made a mistake. That was how I learned love had to be earned.
Years later, in medicine, those old lessons were reinforced. I still remember a mentor mocking me for showing too much empathy with patients. Compassion was treated as weakness, as if caring too deeply might interfere with being competent and precise.
That moment cut deeply, because it confirmed the belief I had carried since childhood: that sensitivity was dangerous, and only perfection and control were safe.
As a physician assistant in critical care, perfectionism felt like a requirement. I replayed every decision after my shifts — Did I miss something? Should I have ordered more tests? Could I have caught it earlier?
That wasn’t excellence. That was perfectionism. And over time, it chipped away at my resilience. I couldn’t rest. I couldn’t forgive myself for being human. My worth became tied only to performance.
In Mindful MD, the authors describe how perfectionism in medicine erodes resilience rather than strengthening it. Research shows that perfectionism:
increases anxiety and self-criticism,
lowers creativity and adaptability, and
fuels burnout by keeping us in constant hyperarousal.
What truly protects us is not flawlessness but self-compassion. Mindfulness, awareness, and the ability to recover from mistakes are the real foundations of resilience.
Perfectionism didn’t stop at the hospital doors. It crept into other parts of my life:
In dance, I pushed my body to the breaking point, chasing flawless form.
In family, I wore the mask of the strong, competent daughter, never letting cracks show.
Even financially, I overspent to maintain an image of success, as though perfection could be purchased with sequined gowns and lessons.
Perfectionism was never just about medicine — it was about identity.
Now, I see perfectionism for what it is: not a strength, but a wound in disguise. It is the child who learned that love had to be earned, and the clinician who was told empathy was weakness.
But resilience doesn’t come from being flawless. It comes from being whole. It’s built in the places perfectionism tells us to avoid: in vulnerability, in compassion, in forgiveness, and in the courage to be human.
Perfectionism is seductive because it looks like dedication. But what it really costs us is our humanity.
Excellence is not about never making a mistake. It’s about showing up with presence, compassion, and integrity. The work isn’t about being perfect — it’s about being fully human. And that will always be enough.
#Perfectionism #ProgressNotPerfection #LetGoOfPerfect #ImperfectlyPerfect #HealingPerfectionism #PerfectionismRecovery #DitchPerfection #FreedomFromPerfection #PerfectionismAwareness #DoneNotPerfect #Resilience #ResilientLiving #InnerStrength #RiseStrong #EmotionalResilience #BuildingResilience #EverydayResilience #ResilienceInAction #StrengthThroughStruggle #BendDontBreak #ResilienceOverPerfection #StrongerThanPerfect #ProgressAndResilience #GrowThroughWhatYouGoThrough #FromPerfectionToResilience #EmbraceTheMessyMiddle #HealingJourney #RadicalResilience