The Last Allegiance

Why I’m Choosing to Leave The Country I Once Believed In

“I love my country too much to be silent when she is wrong.”
— Edward Abbey

I never thought I’d leave America—not really. I was born here, raised on stories of liberty and justice, of brave women and principled men. I pledged allegiance with my hand over my heart, not because I was told to but because I believed it meant something.

But belief is a fragile thing in the face of betrayal.

I began seriously contemplating leaving the country the day Donald Trump was re-elected.  Something in me cracked. And then came the headlines more outrageous, more cruel, more surreal by the day. A man convicted of crimes, accused of rape, rises once again to power, buoyed by a system that rewards power and punishes truth. I read about the Military and National Guard being deployed to subdue protesters in Los Angeles. Veterans told they may be refused care based on party affiliation. Deportations without due process. The rule of law has twisted until it is no longer recognizable.

And we are told, “Don’t worry, it’s only four years.”  But what will be left of us by then?

I was raised to believe in kindness, in fairness, and in the slow, patient arc of justice. I believed the words carved into the base of the Statue of Liberty meant something: "Give me your tired, your poor…" But now I see those words as a hollow promise, recited in a country where the tired and poor are discarded, silenced, or jailed. In a place where compassion is mocked and cruelty is a strategy.

So no, I can’t pledge allegiance to this version of America.  I won’t.  What I will do is find a way to live a life that still honors those values, but it won’t be here. 

I’ve started preparing for a move to Portugal. It isn’t a rash decision, nor is it an escape. It’s a homecoming of a different kind, to a place where life moves more slowly and people value connection, art, and conversation. I envision a quiet house by the sea, where I can write, create, and discuss resilience and reinvention with women. A place where the values I still cherish—dignity, decency, and democracy- are not seen as laughable relics.

Canada is closer, yes. But I sense they’re tired of us too,  the loud, self-centered neighbor who never quite grows up. Europe calls to something deeper in me. Portugal, in particular, speaks to my longing for stillness and soul.

This isn’t exile. It’s self-rescue. I’ve spent my life as a healthcare provider, a writer, a dancer; all forms of service and devotion. But now, I need to attend to what remains of my integrity. I must walk away from a country I no longer recognize and move toward a place that still honors my values.

It might seem dramatic. But this is the quietest revolution I can offer:
To live kindly.
To age freely.
To create bravely.

This is my last allegiance. Not to a country, but to a future I can still believe in.

If you’re feeling this way too, you’re not alone. I’ll be sharing more about the emotional and practical steps of this transition — sign up to walk beside me.

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